“If you have spent too much energy trying to be socially acceptable, today you might finally realize that you cannot fit into the shape required for the current situation. Others may see you as uncooperative now, but that's not your intent. You know how you feel and just want to make your point succinctly. Remember, once you've done your homework, you really don't have to try so hard.” Daily Horoscope for Aquarius
When I was about 13 I saw a special on PBS about water birthing. I knew then that was for me. It seemed so calming, and natural, so soothing. I couldn’t imagine giving birth any other way. Now that I am 33 and 6 weeks away from giving birth, I have found that making your wishes come true is not as easy as we would like. Having autonomy over your body, having choices about your birthing experience, and having those choices supported can be a frustrating experience when birth is viewed as a medical procedure, one wrought with liabilities. I had an appointment with my ob/gyn this morning; I brought in my birthing plan and a list of questions to go over with her. I was totally disheartened as I watched her expression when I let her know that I did not want to be given an epidural, but would like to explore what other pain management options were available, should I decide that I would maybe want something. She looked at me as if I had told her that I am tired of breathing with my lungs, and would like to grow gills and breathe under water. She has only had experience with epidurals, and had never heard of somebody not wanting one. The hospital where I will be delivering offers water labouring, but it is not something my doctor is familiar with, and therefore, I was told that it would not be an option in any way. She is also more prone to induce labour earlier than what is recommended, which was not only scary information, but let me know that she prefers births to be a bit more conducive to her schedule, than what might be more conducive to my body, and my baby. I left feeling so sad, so frustrated, and so unsupported. Wanting to have as natural childbirth as possible is scary, I am in no way disillusioned about the pain I will be experiencing, and I honestly do not know how I will handle it. But I do know that if our bodies could not handle it, we would not get pregnant. Childbirth is something that is a part of being female, and a part of a life cycle, it will (most likely) not kill me. Being supported by my doctor in my desire to want a natural childbirth experience is incredibly important, it is also incredibly important to have childbirth be treated as something which is a natural event for humans, and not a medical procedure, requiring loads of interventions. When I got home, I told Sasha what the doctor had said about the questions we had, about the desires we wanted. He called a different clinic to see if they were taking new patients and if they accepted my insurance. I was feeling a bit reluctant to switch doctors at 33 weeks, but these last 6-7 weeks are also the most important of my entire pregnancy. As it turns out, this clinic not only is taking new patients, accepts my insurance, but they have a mid-wife, a fantastic one, whom I got to chat with about my birthing plan and have her not only support it, but be enthusiastic about it! She is very experienced in water labouring and birthing, is knowledgeable in alternative pain methods, and fully supports natural childbirths, as long as there are no complications. If there are complications, I know that I’ll have to change my way of thinking, I know that nothing is certain and problems could arise. Having a mid-wife in a hospital allows for interventions should they be necessary, but most importantly, should everything continue to go as smoothly as it is, I’ll be able to retain my autonomy and deliver our baby according to our desires, and have those desires be fully supported. Now I can breathe, and work on my meditation/relaxation techniques so that the whole mid-west won’t hear me screaming my head off!
