As someone who is about to become a parent, I have recently delved into the world of parental blogs. I see it as my duty to research the imminent task at hand, to try to learn some wisdom from others experiences, and to try to prepare myself for the changes my life will be taking. I am often reading about the topic of rude kids, mean kids, bullies, and punks and what to do about them. And I am finding that more often than not, most parents are feeling that there is nothing to do, or what can they do? It is just a part of playground society, and worst of all, as one woman was told as she tried to talk to a bully’s mother, that boys will be boys. What in the hell does that even mean? Letting boys behave as bullies, because they are boys, is so incredibly detrimental, as we are raising boys who may go join fraternities or take girls out on dates some day, and do we really want them engaging in these activities with the mindset that they can do what they want because they are boys? Boys are humans, not some sort of special species who can be cruel for the sake of it, they don’t get some sort of “get out of mankind” pass. When do we expect them to learn to be kind, tolerant and gentle if we do not teach them? And what does gender have to with being a decent person? It seems to me, that when it comes to dealing with bullies and mean kids, there is lack of accountability going on, a fear of holding another person responsible for the type of person they are molding. Why would we not approach a parent (or the nanny, as they also have a huge role in raising a child) at the park and say “hey, your kid is shoving the other kids around,” and why would we not be appalled if that parent did nothing to stop that behavior? There are enough bullies in the world, why do we want to let this continue, and why do we want to let another person’s child be a bully to our kid, simply because they are not a decent enough human being to teach their kids how to be kind? Perhaps Hillary was right; maybe it does take a village. We are not perfect, and we can not be expected to raise perfect people, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to raise our children to be better people than we are. It is hard work, and might involve a bit of intervention from others from time to time. I fear that the instant gratification nature of our culture leads many to poor parenting. The responsibility involved in being a parent is just so massive. But like many things in American culture, babies are something we want, they seem to be a right and the perfect accessory for the American Dream; but perhaps we aren’t really interested in investing ourselves truly to the task. We treat parenting as some sort of venue to display our economic status, investing in outrageous strollers and baby bags, pursuing the prestigious private schools and summer camps, but not investing in the child’s qualities, or paying much attention to the type of human we are actually putting out into the world. There is no litmus test for potential parents, but there really should be. Or at the very least, some sort of required reading laying out the massive task at hand and a reading comprehension exam at the end, where potential parents sign a waiver that they understand the full scope of their responsibilities and will not give way to materialism over creating a good person to be a part of the human race. Being a parent is the most important thing a person could ever do. I don’t know that there are very many of us who are truly worthy of such a task, I doubt that I am. I don’t know that I am smart enough, kind enough, patient enough, interesting enough to have anything to offer to a new human, but here I am, pregnant, and biology doesn’t seem to inquire about these things either. I do know that being a poor student eliminates the possibility that keeping up with the trendy consumerism would be a factor in my being a mother. So that means I will be doing my best to make sure that my child will not be a bully at the park, that it will be kind, and fair; to realize that there is enough to go around, to be tolerant and gentle. I think these are the most important qualities a human can have, I know I do not posses these qualities all of the time, but I try, and I also want my child to be a better person than I am. I don’t mean to sound self-righteous. I, in no way think I am somehow going to do some amazing job at being a parent, I just want to try to create some sort of goal for this massive task I am about to embark in, and to acknowledge that I do realize it’s importance. I do plan on intervening when my child is bulling others; I see it as one of the most important times to intervene. I also imagine I would intervene when other children are also being bullies; it seems that somebody should step up and express the importance of being nice. I think we all want to live in world with nice people, it can’t just be a pipe dream, we actually can have an impact. When it comes to children, it is not as if this magically happens without our guidance, it also means that more people actually have to start acting this way to each other as well, which means that materialism would actually have to move down on our list of priorities and humanitarism would have to move up a little higher. But if we really wanted to do anything about bullies it would be worth the sacrifice. Since nobody is ever going to care what kind of stroller your parents bought you, or what kind of preschool you attended, what kind of person you are is all that is important. It is all that matters really. I hope I am up for this task, and if my child is ever a bully, please, somebody stop it.
